November 25, 2012

I did it!  I made that treadmill my bitch!  Sort of.  But I used it, and that’s what counts!  After a rough start which included a melt down because the damn thing wouldn’t turn on…..I finally got it going and sweated my ass off for 20 minutes.

Not the 30 I planned on, but midway through I decided that baby steps were the way to go, and I’d start with 20 this week, and hopefully 25 next week, and so on.

Today was not about how many calories I burned, or how fast or far I walked, or at which incline.  It was just about getting on it and moving.  Which I accomplished, and have the damp workout gear to prove it.

I’m proud of myself, which is all that matters.  I’m even going to buy some cute stickers to put in my planner to help motivate myself.  I’d love to see stickers all over my week to show all my hard work :)

Things I learned about working out in the entry way:

1. There is NOTHING to look at.  Unless you count the electrical panel beside the door.  It’s pretty damn boring.

2. I need to put a fan over there.  It got pretty freaking warm.

3. The windowsill makes a good spot for my water bottle.

To save my sanity, I grabbed a book.  There is only so long you can stare at the wall before you start to convince yourself you’ll never make the 20 minutes.  I never thought I would be the person on the treadmill reading a book, but I did it, and didn’t fall off.  It was a pretty good distraction.  The only downside is that kind of kills my plans for using weights while walking.  I might have to set up some sort of little table with my laptop so I can watch something instead.

All in all, I’m happy.  Forgot to take my before pics, but I’ll get to it.

*Here’s hoping this gives me more energy.  Always falling asleep around here…..


I have a blog?

November 25, 2012

Wow, I’ve only posted once this year.  In January.  I guess it’s not surprising that I couldn’t remember my password OR email address to log in.  Yikes.  Clearly I’m not a good blogger.  The obvious reason for that being that I NEVER blog.  I don’t have any followers.  Which I might, if I actually blogged routinely.  

I think my biggest hang up is the anonymity.  I don’t want people I ‘actually know’ reading it.  So I hold back, and end up not blogging.  I’ve thought of starting a new blog, with a new title, and a fake name, but don’t know how to tell anyone who might have read before.  So… I am.  Unsure.  With no readers.

So, long story short, I’m back (as much as I can be) because I need to lose weight.  Why else?  I lost a bunch of weight during all that time Joel and I practically lived in the hospital when the twins were there.  Stress related I’m sure, as I wasn’t dieting or working out.  

But I’ve put it back on, plus some.  This becomes most obvious to me when I see pictures of myself.  For some reason, the mirror deceives me.  And of course, there are clothes that don’t fit me, and shopping makes me want to break things.  So after seeing a picture of myself on Joel’s phone (taken during our trip to Vegas last week) and telling him there is no way in hell that photo can be posted/shown to anyone, in fact, you might as well delete it…..I’ve decided I can’t live like this anymore.  I hate the way I look.  HATE.

I’m taking a different approach this time.  I’m not weighing myself weekly.  In fact, I’m not even weighing myself to get my starting weight.  Instead, I’m going to take a picture of myself in clothes that no longer fit me.  Clothes that I used to look good in before I put on all this latest weight.  And I’m going to go by how I look and feel.  I’ll probably give in and weigh myself eventually, but I won’t play the weight game.  Up, down, down, up, UP, WTF, down a hair, and wanting to give up.  

My plan of attack is nothing crazy.  Joel dragged the treadmill out into an area where it can actually be used.  It’s in the entry way, but it’s the ONLY possible spot in the place where it can be used, and not tripped over.  And it’s the entry way or sell it.  And I don’t want to sell it.  I’m going to start by walking.  I also have some weights to use while I’m walking, to work my arms a bit, and burn extra calories.  I’m going to walk every other day.  Starting tomorrow.  That’s it for now.  No crazy diet.  I’m not counting anything, or omitting anything.   Just me and the treadmill.  

One step at a time.  Literally.

One year ago today…..

January 4, 2012

Joel unknowingly spent his last day with all 3 of his kids.   He played with them, and cuddled them, fed them, and did all those normal daily things not knowing that he’d never get the chance to have another day like that with all 3.

Later that evening after their mother got home and Joel had left, there was a fire in the kids bedroom.  Their mother got help, and got everyone out of the apartment, but the twins had been badly injured.  Ava’s injuries were too severe, and we heartbrokenly said goodbye to her 4 days later.  Sammy spent 11 months in the hospital.  Jayden was uninjured, as he wasn’t in the room.

I can’t even put this into words, and I’ve typed and deleted paragraphs over and over again for the past half hour.  I don’t know how you lose a child and go on, but somehow you do.  It happened, I was there, but somehow it doesn’t always feel real.

Last year Joel was a father of 3.  Jayden (3) and Sammy and Ava (almost 2).  Now he has Jayden (4) on weekends, and visits Sammy (2) as often as he can.   Hug your kids tight, and cherish all the time you have with them.

Last day of my 20’s……

December 6, 2011

Tomorrow I turn 30.  To say I’m not looking forward to it would be putting it mildly.  I guess most people don’t look forward to their 3o’s.  Those who have been there before me tell me it’s much better than the 20’s.  I guess we’ll see!

I’ve never cared much about the numbers.  Honestly I don’t ‘feel’ much different than when I was a teenager.  Other than feeling a little more ‘grown up’ of course.  LOL  I often forget how old I am.  Several times this year when  asked my age, I answered 27, before correcting myself.  Haha.

I think what’s upsetting me so much about this birthday is I’m not anywhere near the place I thought I would be in.  Such as married at least, and owning our own place…..Considering my ex-boyfriend and I were together for nearly 8 years, thinking I would be married by 30 didn’t seem unrealistic.  I always wanted to buy a place before getting married.  I didn’t want to get married and come back to the same basement suite.  I was afraid that we’d end up stuck in a rut and never move forward.  That we would always be renting, and it would be like nothing changed.  Considering here I am about to be 30, and still renting a basement suite, I think I had my priorities backwards.  Who cares where we live?  Some people don’t end up buying until much later in life, or even never.  Although I don’t want it to be never.  I would like to own my own home.

So I’m not married, and I’m still renting.  Add that my job is seriously sucking.  I’ve been at the same pharmacy for 11 and a half years, and my hours are being cut.  Badly cut.  Sometimes I only get 3 shifts a week.  If I’m lucky enough to get 4 shifts, they’re not all 8 hours.  If my rent wasn’t so cheap there is no way I’d be able to pay my bills.  As it is my credit card is maxed out.  But I did just get to go to New York, so I won’t complain too much about my credit card.  Besides the shit hours, we technicians get treated MUCH differently than the pharmacists.  And that sucks.  Oh, and I’m not even a technician now.  We have to be called assistants unless we take this new training that will cost about $4000.  IF I had the money to do it, and spent the year and a half taking the 4 classes to earn the title of technician, I would then have to pay hundreds of dollars a year in licensing fees, insurance, and extra credits.  And there’s a good chance I’d get no extra pay out of it.  Have I mentioned that I don’t even want to take the course?  I don’t like my job, so paying quite a bit of money (to me) to possibly get me nowhere, is really stressing me out.

I’ve been searching the job listings, and I feel like I’m qualified for nothing.  I can type, and use computers, and blah blah blah, but in the pharmacy we have certain programs we use and stuff, and all the ads want experience in stuff I don’t use.  That’s not to say I can’t learn…..

I feel like if I don’t just stay put and take the hours I get, I’m going to be stuck in some minimum wage job somewhere like working in a mall.  I can’t just throw away the money I make there to go and make less than half somewhere else.  I guess I’ll have to look for just ANY part time job to supplement my lost hours at the pharmacy.  I’m miserable there.  If I stay, I’ll just get more and more unhappy.

And I can’t just work there part time.  Even though I’m surviving on the cut hours, some extra money would be nice, and well as not hearing ‘You’re ONLY working 3 days this week?!’ from people.

So folks, I need a new job.  Anyone want to hire me, or know of somewhere that’s hiring?  Or even just some advice?

SO.  With all that bitching done, on the last day of my 20’s I’m spending my day off work relaxing.  Yesterday I did all the laundry from our trip, and today I had planned on finishing up the unpacking, and doing some housecleaning in preparation for christmas.  Instead I slept in, and spent most of the day job searching.  Joel is working tonight, so I’m all by myself.  I’m going to make something for dinner that is perfect for a cozy winter night, and most likely watch some Sex and the City and watch for locations that I recognize :) and some reading.

Back to work tomorrow (ugh) and here’s hoping that what I’ve heard is true.  That my 30’s will be WAY better than my 20’s.  :)

Two more sleeps…..

November 27, 2011

And I’m off to New York!   I’ve officially been on holidays since 3:45 on Friday afternoon, but we don’t leave until Tuesday night.  There are 6 of us going to New York for my Grandma’s (belated) birthday present.

A couple of years ago (at least) we ‘gave’ my Grandma a trip to New York for her birthday.  It was going to be a ladies trip, my Grandma, Mom and I, and whatever Aunts and cousins wanted to come.  It got put off a little, and then my Grandpa wasn’t well, so it got put off again, and here we are a few years later, and we’re finally going.  It’s no longer a ladies trip.  It’s my Mom and Step-dad, my sister, Joel and I, and Grandma.

Joel and I had been planning to go to Vegas with friends of ours in October or November, but sometime in late summer my Mom told me that they were putting New York in motion for the same time.  I didn’t want to miss out on the trip we had promised my Grandma, and it’s probably the only time I’ll get to go to New York with her, so I had to make the decision to cancel Vegas.  There’s no way I could afford both trips.  It worked out in the end anyway, because our friends ended up not being able to go as well, so we’ll re-plan for another time :)

Between Thanksgiving and New Years is the most expensive time to travel to New York.  We’re only going for 4 nights, and we’re taking the red eye on Tuesday night just to save us an extra night in a hotel.  We’ll have to cram a lot into our 4 days, but it’s worth it to be able to see New York all done up for Christmas.  My Grandma really wants to see the tree at Rockefeller, (and so do we) so I’m happy to pay the extra money to be able to see it with her.  Plus, our timing is perfect because we’ll be there on Wednesday for the tree lighting ceremony!  Watch for me on TV!  ;)

I’m not really sure what all we’re doing, we haven’t made a ton of plans.  We’ll see the sights, do some shopping, maybe squeeze in some ice skating….and take a million pictures!

I’m so excited for this trip!  I’ve always wanted to go to New York.  Actually I feel like I belong in New York.  I know that’s weird, since I’ve never even been, but I’ve always wanted to move there.  I guess we’ll see if I come back! LOL

While I’m excited, I don’t feel the ‘OMG I’m going to New York in 2 days’ excitement.  Maybe it’s because I’m the only one on ‘holidays’ right now, and Joel still has to work tomorrow….I don’t know.  But I don’t feel like we’re leaving that fast.  Maybe I should start packing or something.

I’ve been watching episodes of Sex and the City non stop to get me ready to go.  LOL  We’re planning to take the Sex and the City tour, which I’m really excited about.  Between that, and buying my NY Starbucks mug, my trip will be made :)

Anyone have any suggestions for things to see and do?  Nothing crazy expensive, I am on a budget.  Does anyone even read this blog anymore?  LOL I never post so I’m sure I’m just talking to myself.  :)

I’ll post some pics when I get back.  I’ll have 2 more days off work after the trip.  And then I turn 30 on the day I go back to work. :s  But that’s another post…..

I’m alive!

October 27, 2011

Wow, it’s been so long since I logged in, that everything has changed around here and I can’t find my way around.  Clearly I need to blog more.  Ya ya, maybe one day.

I finally went to the Doctor for my test results.  Not gonna lie, the only reason I went in was because I needed my prescriptions refilled, and it was time for that lovely yearly exam.  I told the nurse(?) that my test results were from September.  More like July.  Do I have no concept of time???

I’m low in iron.  That’s what my doctor suspected, and he says it’s not too bad, but it’s like I’m running out of gas.  Maybe that would explain why I’m tired all the time, could nap every day, a little dizziness (my pharmacist says) and perhaps have a little to do with my headaches?  We shall see.  I need to start taking an iron supplement, and hopefully I feel like a new woman!

Speaking of headaches, I had one so bad that I missed work on Monday.  It started while I was brushing my teeth Sunday night, but I brushed it off, thinking that my proper sleep of at least 8 hours would take care of it.  Every time I rolled over that night, I thought to myself ‘Eff, my head still hurts!’  It was worse when my alarm went off, to the point where Joel called me in sick.  It had to really hurt for me to miss work too.  Not that I’m not all for sick days, I am, but I only had THREE shifts this week, so missing Monday gives me a whopping 16 hours on this pay cheque.  AWESOME.

My headache got worse and worse before I finally went back to sleep.  It had dulled by about 2pm, so I got up, had something to eat, and had a nap at 4.  Then I had 2 days off!  So I hauled my ass to the doctor on Weds.  Got my test results, and some samples for a couple of migraine medications.

Then I went to the nail salon, where I had the most pleasant nail removal EVER.  A little while ago I gave solar nails a try.  They’re like acrylic, but different, but I have no idea how.  The whole process seemed exactly the same.  I was told they are less damaging to your nails, but who knows.  I enjoyed them, but I can’t afford the upkeep and they were starting to look bad (not to mention were way too long) as they grew out, so I finally went to get them off.  Every single other time I’ve gone for a removal it’s been a horrible, painful experience where my nails are soaked, and then pried off with nail clippers.  This lovely lady alternately soaked and gently used her drill to grind(?) the nail off bit by bit until it was all gone.  Sure, even after smoothing and buffing my nails are scratched up a bit, but I had her paint them for me (cuz I suck at it) and now they look all pretty.  If I ever get fake nails again, wherever I get them, I will ALWAYS go back to that place to take them off.  Best Nails in Poco (I think it’s Poco)  Her name was Zoe and they were all very very friendly.

Other than that, I had my wits scared out of me at Fright Nights……I got free tickets.  Thank god, because I’m ridiculously poor.  This is my second week in a row of only having 3 shifts.  Next week I have 4, but they only total 26 hours.  And I have a closing shift.  4-10.  If that doesn’t hurt enough, the next week I have a 6-10 shift!  AND the week after that!  I’m starting to get seriously worried about my future at my job.  Anyone want to hire me?  Or help me expand my business and contact list by having a Stella & Dot trunk show for me?  Pretty please?  You’ll get free jewelry!  Last weekends hostess got $360 in free jewelry, plus was able to shop for 4 items at half price.  Excellent for christmas shopping!

I can’t think of anything else right now…..but I just wanted to pop in and say I’m still here.  And all good in the health department.  Mostly.  Lots of women are low in iron.  No big deal.  Right?


August 30, 2011

Life is really stressful right now, and I’m not sure how much of it I want to let loose on my blog.  Part of me feels like this is my place to rant, and let everything out, but another part feels like it might be tacky to just throw all my problems out there (and they’re not all mine)  So I struggle with it, and end up not blogging at all.

In the meantime, here is something random and kind of funny (I think)

I can fall asleep ANYWHERE.  It might be a bit of a problem, because I fall asleep in places (and situations) that I feel should be pretty much impossible to fall asleep in.  It’s also a bit embarrassing, as I seem to have no control over it.  So here is a list of places I’ve fallen asleep (for your amusement) as best as I can remember, and I’m sure I’ve forgotten a few.

-The normal places, like the couch, or comfy chair….if I get too comfy, or reclined at all, it doesn’t take long for me to fall asleep.

-Bus, skytrain, car.  Bus and skytrain are embarrassing, because I feel like everyone is staring at me, plus I worry about being mugged, and missing my stop.  As for the car, I blame my parents for that, because they used to drive me around to get me to fall asleep as a baby.  I used to live literally 5 minutes away from my Mom, and I would fall asleep on the way home.  I fall asleep in most car rides, sometimes even mid conversation.  I’m an AWESOME road trip companion! LOL

-Movie theaters, usually only if I’m tired, or I don’t like the movie, but it’s dark, the seats are comfy, and sometimes I don’t have a chance…..

-Most recently I fell asleep at the planetarium, twice.  We saw 2 shows, and I fell asleep during both of them.

-While kayaking in Tofino.  It was a 2 man kayak, I was in the front.  It was early in the morning, I was tired, so I rested my paddle across my lap, and nodded off.  LOL

-On the jungle tram(?) in Busch Gardens.  It was a train ride through an animal kingdom type thing.  Wild animals were running loose, and could actually come almost right up to the train, it was pretty cool.  But I rested my head on my boyfriend’s shoulder and fell asleep.  LOL

-The terminator ride in Universal Studios in Orlando.  I have no clue how I fell asleep on that.  Who falls asleep on a ride?!

-The back of my Dad’s Harley.  We went up to Whistler for lunch, and on the way back I was tired from the early morning, and all the fresh air, and I rested my chin on my Dad’s shoulder, and went to sleep.  Everyone asks if I was afraid of falling off, and the answer is no, I wasn’t.  There was a small back rest behind me, and anyone who has ever ridden on the back of a bike knows that you’re on there pretty good.  Without the back rest, I could see maybe falling off the back, but with it, I don’t see how a passenger could fall off.  I would have to lift my leg over his head in order to fall off.  It’s a pretty snug fit, and the passenger should just be ‘one’ with the bike and the driver, and not help steer.  So as long as I wasn’t making things difficult for my Dad, I was all good.  LOL  That one is definitely one of the weirdest places I’ve slept.

-Couch at Second Cup at Children’s Hospital.

-More than one floor at airports.  Though oddly enough, I struggle to fall asleep on planes.

That’s all I can remember right now, but I think it’s pretty funny :)


August 7, 2011

Usually on weekend mornings I wake up, look at the time, and if it’s earlier than 11, I go right back to sleep, because it’s the WEEKEND, and I get to sleep in.  This leads to sleeping until noon, or later if I’ve stayed up insanely late the night before.  It’s no surprise that I don’t get anything done, and I often look back at my weekend feeling like I wasted it, because I slept half the day and by the time I was ready to leave the house it’s early evening.

This morning I woke up at 10, and decided to actually get up and not waste the day.  On a whim I thought I would surprise Joel with some home made muffins and let him sleep a bit longer, since we didn’t go to bed until after 3!

Now, I know 10 isn’t early, and it would still be noon or later by the time we got out of the house if I was going to do some baking first, but it’s a HUGE improvement, and I kinda like it.  I actually feel good this morning.  I feel awake, not groggy, sore and headachy like I do after sleeping in too late.  And I have the whole day ahead of me.

And it doesn’t hurt that I have these baking in the oven :)

Totally random…

August 1, 2011

After swinging my leg out of Joel’s bed and smashing my foot into a pile of wood from a child’s bed frame…..

Me:  Can you please move that bed so I have room to move on my side of the bed without hurting myself?

Joel: If you would just remember it was there, you wouldn’t hurt yourself.

Me: That’s like me putting a pile of knives on the floor on YOUR side of the bed, and telling you to remember they’re there so you don’t hurt yourself.

Joel:  That’s SO not the same thing.

Me:  That’s EXACTLY the same thing.

*I’ve had a cold for like a week, and I might be going a little crazy.  I thought this was extremely funny.  Don’t judge my poor stuffed up sense of humor…..*

Sicky pants

July 14, 2011

I’ve been back at work for 3 shifts, and I’ve already left sick 2 hours early, and stayed home the next day. I was on holidays last week, and Monday was my first day back. I had Tuesday off, and that’s when my headache started. Headaches don’t seem to like me. They usually stick around for a couple of days, and Tylenol and Advil do nothing to help the pain. So when I woke up Weds morning and my head still hurt, going to work was the last thing I wanted to do. Besides a throbbing head, I was also nauseous and felt really warm. I didn’t feel like I could call in sick though, as I would have only been the second tech in that morning, and it could be a couple of hours another one was scheduled to come in. I know they would have managed, and when you’re sick you’re sick, and you should just stay home. I HATE calling in sick though, because I’m always worried my boss is going to be mad at me, and I hate feeling like I’ve let them down. Plus to me, calling in sick with a headache just sounds like a lame excuse. So I went. I felt so sick I only managed a few bites of breakfast, so being hungry didn’t help my upset stomach either. Oh, and my left eyelid was sore and swollen too, and it hurt to blink.

My coworker was sympathetic when she asked me what was wrong (I looked like shit, with not much makeup on, especially without lipstick!) but she didn’t suggest that I go home. After my third dose of advil (total, since it started) and I wasn’t feeling any better, I still couldn’t bring myself to ask to go home. Our head tech starts her 2 week holidays next week, and I’ll be in her place, so I was trying to get ahead in some work, cuz when she’s working she has ME, but when I’m in her place there is no me to help. Get it? I do her job AND my job. Finally she said if I still wasn’t feeling well, I should just go home, but then she looked towards the stuff I was working on with kind of a ‘yikes’ face, and said “I just want you to be as far ahead as you can, for when I’m not here next week…..” and I felt guilty for wanting to go home. I finished what I was doing, then I did some more, and finally went home 2 hours early. And I took today off too. To go to the doctor.

These headaches are worrying me, they make me feel sick, and I don’t know how to get rid of them. I knew that today would be the only day I could get away with not being at work, since I had a non-important shift of 10-4, and lots of other techs were working. Starting tomorrow, and for the next 2 weeks, I’m opening, and not the ideal time to be taking time off to go to the doctor. Joel made me an appointment while I was still sleeping this morning, and thank goodness my doctor was available, otherwise I was desperate enough to hit the walk in clinics, until I found one that would send me for blood work. It’s been a long time since a doctor sent me blood, and honestly, mine never even checks my blood pressure or anything, so I thought I should get a full checkup. Plus, I’m a worrier, and the more I stress over it, the more I convince myself I have a brain tumor, or something horrible, so I knew I had to have some tests to calm myself.

So, it all wasn’t as bad as I feared. My doctor thinks I just have low grade migraines, but he also sent me for blood work, and a urine sample to test for a whole whack of stuff. He thinks my thyroid is fine, I might be low in iron, and I have the blood pressure of a 17 year old athlete. LOL (those were his exact words) According to Joel (who held my hand) they only took 2 vials of blood (I can’t watch) and while it hurt, it was over quickly. Jayden got the sticker, which I still don’t understand….lol and after peeing in a cup, I got to go home. Thank goodness I thought ahead, and didn’t eat this morning, just incase. Although I did have a TINY bit of juice with my pills, but the doctor said to go for the blood anyway, worst case I’d just have to do it again. And I planted 3 Stella & Dot look books in the various waiting rooms, so I felt like I was doing some work! =)

Now I just have to go back to my doctor in 10 days, to hear that all my tests came back clean. *Fingers crossed* I also hope my boss isn’t pissed tomorrow, but at least I can say I went for tests, and I wasn’t just sitting at home. I really wish my boss and coworkers were more understanding about sick days. We’re all so scared to call in sick, that we pass colds and flus around until everyone is sick. One of our pharmacists recently spent half of her shift white as a ghost, sitting in a chair, until the pharmacy closed and her parents took her to the hospital. Turns out she has a virus that’s giving her a heart murmur. She’ll be off for at LEAST 6 weeks, for treatment for a scary virus that’s attacking her heart. Scary stuff. It was also news about her that convinced me to see the doctor. You never know what could be going on inside your body without you even knowing.

Hopefully I just end up with some migraine medication, and tips on how to prevent them, so I’m not suffering (and missing as much work) For starters, I’m SURE getting more sleep will help, so I’m getting on that ASAP.

Hope everyone is happy and healthy!



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